you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
