i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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