So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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