I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
