I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
