i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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