Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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