So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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