I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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