i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
