If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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