You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
