he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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