DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
