hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
