Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
