My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize