I must be too annoying 4 u.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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