i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
