I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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