Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
