Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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