I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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