Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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