We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
