If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
