I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
