I wanna bring you to show and tell
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
