Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
