So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
