He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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