I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
