its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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