you will always have a special place in my vag
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
