how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize