I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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