Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
