NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
