About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
