broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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