I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
