he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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