Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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