It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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