D3 body, D1 cock
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
