Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
