Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
