should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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