you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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