i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As shirtless as possible
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
