whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
