onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
