And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
