I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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