So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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