Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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