Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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