I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
